Burning Guilt
by NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Kink Meme De-Anon for Barnham x Maya. Barnham reflects on his actions and his relationship with Maya in the aftermath of her trial.


**From 9/2014**

He'd first met her in the bakery, flour smudged on her smiling face as she greeted him. He'd wondered how someone so beautiful could have worked here for five years without him noticing.

The next time she'd literally run into him, which would have sent her crashing to the ground if he hadn't managed to catch her. She'd awkwardly thanked him, clearly embarrassed by the whole incident. He'd played it off as part of his knightly duty, protecting the citizens of Labyrinthia.

They'd met again one night during one of his patrols. As they walked together she asked him what would happen if she were accused of being a witch. He'd replied that if she wasn't a witch she had nothing to fear, but if that somehow were to happen she would want a good Defender. She'd smiled and declared that if she were ever in trouble she could trust that Nick would save her. His heart had ached at that, but he'd forced a smile.

During another patrol, she'd come up to him and given him a sandwich, gladly walking with him as he ate. While they said their farewells, he'd taken her hand and lightly kissed the back of it with an exaggerated bow. She'd giggled and commented on how gentlemanly he was.

The next time he'd returned to the bakery, he had volunteered to pick up food for the rest of the Inquisitioners as well. She'd insisted on helping him carry it all. When they reached the Inquisition headquarters, the office he shared with Lady Darklaw, he turned and said, "Thank you for your help, Ms. Fey."

"It's Maya, Inquisitor Barnham," she gently corrected.

"Then you should call me Zacharias," he'd replied, grinning. "Unless it's official business."

"Very well then, Zacharias." When she spoke his name his heart fluttered.

She'd surprised him in his office one day, with the excuse of bringing him lunch. Her eyes had glinted with a playful interest. He gently cupped her cheek and, at what felt like lightning speed, brought their lips together. Maya had returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and locking him into it. When they'd finally parted, she'd teased him for taking so long to act on his interest in her.

They'd arranged to meet again, when he was off-duty. They'd gone to his room in the barracks, as the privileges of an officer offered more privacy than those of an apprentice baker. Their kissing and talking had quickly become more intense. It was then, without her kitchen outfit, that he'd noticed how odd Maya's clothes were. But he'd been quickly distracted by her eagerness to explore him without his armor. As his shirt had come off, Maya had gasped at the patchwork of scars running across his torso. He'd tried to brush it aside, but they had fascinated her. He spent the evening telling their stories while she'd tenderly traced them until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

During Espella's trial it had pained him to see Maya on the opposing side, supporting Sir Baker as best she could. He'd done his best to push it aside, trusting that she wouldn't take his actions in court personally.

When she'd been accused it had struck him to the core. He'd barely been able to conduct her interrogation, and he knew she could see the pain in his eyes.

"Don't worry," she'd reassured him. "Nick will save me. He always does."

"I must fulfill my duties as a Court Knight, Maya," he'd apologized. "Please don't take this personally."

She'd offered him a sad smile and a nod. He'd wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and carry her from this place, away from the flames that awaited her if Sir Blue Knight couldn't save her.

Her defense of Jean Greyerl struck him harshly, but he refused to let his inner turmoil show. As an Inquisitor it was his duty to protect Labyrinthia and execute all witches.

He'd let out a small sigh of relief when Maya had been released from the cage, but his relief had swiftly turned to panic as Maya had acted to rescue Espella. His panic had gripped him tightly, preventing him from acting, potentially salvaging the situation, saving her. That her final plea for help had been directed at the Defender and not him had hurt, but not nearly as much as watching her fall into the flames. He was too paralyzed with fear and grief to react, but the Defender's cry had echoed the one his heart made.

When he found Espella, the boy, and Sir Blue Knight in the woods barely outside of the courthouse, he was incredulous. Maya was gone and these three would just get themselves captured, wasting her sacrifice. He took care to make their situation painfully clear.

The boy's words about believing in Maya struck the fresh wound, but it was Sir Blue Knight that he really wanted to talk with. He tried to express his sympathies, wanted to claim that he knew how the other man felt, but when he clearly saw Sir Blue Knight, saw the pain etched in every part of him, he knew his words would ring hollow. This man had been Maya's companion for years, whereas he could barely be considered the girl's lover. Sir Blue Knight was broken, and he himself had no will to continue. Due to his carelessness an innocent woman, his beloved, had fallen to the flames.

The voices of the guards drew closer, and he knew what he had to do to keep Maya's death from being for naught. He told the three fugitives where they could find shelter and sent them on their way. When the other knights caught up with him, he led them away from the direction he'd sent the trio.

It wasn't until things started settling down hours later that he was able to go back to his room and cry at last.


End file.
